Convicted... Yet Again!

So on Friday I was convicted through a scripture in an e-mail from a wonderful online buddy and then yesterday I went to church and got convicted again, by Job.

It’s odd I don’t normally associate myself with Job. For those who don’t know of the Job I am referring to, he is a Biblical character who is the subject of a wager of sorts between God and depending on your translation, Satan. God agrees to let this being take away all that Job has in two phases; first his material things and then his health. The wager amounts to, I bet he won’t stay faithful to you God, because God has been bragging on how faithful Job is to him. And The Satan says well it’s easy because Job has it good.

So yesterday Pastor Lea Brown, all 4’10” of her, launches into a discussion of Job. Now as I said I don’t normally associate my plight with that of Job, and I will say right now, I am SO NOT that bad off by any means, but much of what Lea had to say, sounded so Don to me. All of Job’s friends tell him how faithful he is, what a great guy… check. Job goes through some tremendous looses… check (yes I get a check even though I haven’t lost all my servants, children and money, yet). I don’t get a check for the health thing, but hey two out of three isn’t bad.

But Lea’s exploration led me to think very seriously about my complaints of recent weeks and months. I have whined about loosing 12% of my salary. Huh… there are those who are doing without any salary what-so-ever. I have whined about being alone. Huh… I’m not really alone; I have friends and family that surround me with love.

I guess what I am saying, is that I can choose to focus on the bad or I can choose to try and set my eyes on the good. I know that sounds strangely similar to Friday, but sometimes I need to be reminded… often.

Does that keep me from asking the questions of and wrestling with God over where I am? No, and I don’t think it precludes those things from happening either. Job challenged God and so I think the way I have been crying out to God has precedence. I do find myself wishing God would whisper in my ear, so I clearly knew what to do, but alas he chooses not to.

I will continually struggle to understand God’s plan for my life. Why I have been single for almost 9 years with only a few brief periods where there was anyone special to be intimately involved with. I have to say I don’t understand it. I find it difficult to answer the question “why are you still single?”

I also don’t claim to understand how I will make it on 12% less money, but I imagine I can figure it out.

It’s all a process, no doubt. And so I will make every attempt to move forward.