Move On...

As in all times of transition, some days are just better than others. This has very much turned out to be a summer of discovery and transition for me. At times it feels like a forest fire burning through clearing the dead underbrush of my life. Then there are the times when it feels like there is the new grand adventure right in front of me. And then there are days like today when I just wish the pain would stop. That feeling of a raw open wound that is constantly being irritated. 

I have had the Sondheim song Move On running through my head all morning. How I wish it was as easy as those two words. When you find yourself waking up realizing you have been in a relationship of sorts for many years that has all of a sudden come to an end, it's hard to just move on. 

It is these times when I realize just how much I used to do with my peeps. Part of the problem is that I am at once thrilled and inspired for some of the developments, but some of those same developments mean I am no longer necessary. The role I used to fill... or maybe occupy is more correct, is rightfully taken by someone who can give what wasn't mine to give. 

So here I am, struggling to find a new way in my life. Lost in the forest with a forest fire burning behind me, and no clear direction to run. I am convinced there is a beautiful meadow somewhere, I just have to figure out how to find it and where to find my sweet, sexy, intelligent, wonderful guide. Where the HELL are you?