The Pain of Change

I apologize if I am stuck recently on the same subjects, namely how my life is changing before my eyes of late, but I find that writing down the raw thoughts in my mind helps me keep moving forward. And they are truly the raw thoughts at the moment I am writing. 

So this is a huge week of transition. One housemate is moving out and we are re-configuring our lives to move on. By Thursday I will likely be alone in the little house on Del Vale with just Peety and Chipdog. It's going to be hard for me, I am dreading it really because it will mark the moment from which nothing will ever be the same. 

That's not to say that things haven't been changing all summer, but there is a finality when someone moves. Somehow it's all irrevocable from there. I suspect I have to get used to that feeling in the pit of my stomach, because I think there is going to be a lot of moving going on in the next year. 

As we all know, change is uncomfortable for the human species, and so I am not an exception. I just struggle so hard to make friends, and we are talking just friends here, that to have my whole friend structure turned on its ear, scares me. It seems like I am going to be forced to travel alone, and explore alone and that's sad. Of course, there will be joint trips and time spent together as friends, but it will never again be what it has been, and so I mourn. 

Someday I will look back on this from some other perspective, and this will all be the beginning of where I am then, god do I wish I could see from that place right now so maybe... just maybe... it wouldn't hurt so much to be where I am now.