What Am I Doing?

I find myself skipping merrily down the path of having met a new guy online, and it’s new because not many guys have ever come after me, it’s just a fact of life. I am usually the one who has to show interest, or I miss it when someone is interested in me. So when it happens, it is almost euphoric in nature. I get, I don’t know how to describe it other than, high. And I have to admit I like the feeling.

This guy is HOT. Probably the hottest guy I have ever realized is interested in me.

BUT… the warning signals are there. He lied about his age, a little thing. His initial response to my post said he was 40, he’s 47. I’ll over look that.

He lives in Southern California, geographically undesirable. Not horribly so, he’s not in another state. He comes to the bay area, and lived here. I can manage that.

He says he owns a house. Come to find out he owns a house with his partner of 4 years, their situation is tenuous, unclear. WOAH.

And yet, like a moth to a flame I am drawn. We have great conversation; the easy kind that you don’t have to work at. There’s witty repartee. He’s HOT. He thinks I’m hot.

Am I so desperate to be loved? Am I so unloveable by an available man? Are there no men who represent themselves clearly from the start? Do I have no clue how to find a man who is right for me?

I don’t understand why it’s so complicated. What am I doing? Can I manage to keep this on a physical level where it MUST remain? I fear not.

What am I doing?