Be Gone All Ready 2008

Okay, so here’s the thing… 2008 was a crappie year. I am so happy that it is ending. Oh there are wonderful things to celebrate, but by and large the year was a bust from my perspective.

 

The year ending means yet another New Year’s Eve, alone, with no one special to kiss.

 

Oh don’t get me wrong, I will once again celebrate the passing of this disastrous year by having dinner with my two best friends, I wouldn’t have it any other way. They are the only way I get through these dark moments. But it isn’t the same.

 

I was chatting with a friend online today, to maybe snag myself someone to meet for a drink, come to find out he’s dating someone. I just don’t know what I do wrong. Yeah back here tonight. Sorry. But I am going to try and not dwell there.

 

I think what bothers me more is that I don’t understand why in my world NYE is worse to face than Valentine’s Day or any other “couples” holiday. Maybe it is because I have shared a Valentine’s Day with a man, but never a NYE. Maybe it’s because NYE represents a new beginning, and mine keep beginning alone.

 

It’s funny, all the stuff about proposition 8, and all the weddings over the past summer didn’t bother me, as much as December 31 does. And yet there is no way to change it. I must summon my courage, put on my Brave Little Toaster face and get through another year alone. But some year, I am going to wake up on January 1 and my Prince Charming will be there, next to me… hair tousled, and all sleepy eyed… and I will be in heaven. 

Holiday 2008

So you may wonder why I am posting a picture of someone looking at a painting. I ran across this photo today and it reminded me of what the holidays mean to me, which is a very good thing because all through this holiday season I have struggled to find my Christmas spirit. If you have been following my Facebook status, you are probably tired of me mentioning it. As with oh so many things, just when you think you can't find something you turn a corner, open a file or trip over the very thing you are looking for. 

On the upper most level this picture represents my recent Paris adventure over Thanksgiving. A wonderful refreshment of my love for this city and for traveling the way my two best friends and I do. Traveling to fit into the place we are in, not just observe it. Of course while we were there, Christmas had begun to burst all over in decoration and even in music. I thought I had allowed the ember of holiday spirit that began to glow there to die out, but apparently not. 

Next is the place in which this painting hangs, the Musee Dorset. A transcendent piece of adaptive re-use. And architecture always lifts my spirit. In this absolutely dismal time of sorrow and pain in the profession I love, I am reminded that so many that have gone before, have survived the pain and struggle to create wonderful things, and so I am lifted. 

And then the painting and painter, if you ever want to be blessed ask Kenneth about Georges Seurat sometime, and listen to him talk. I won't try because it would be unfair to Georges. But let's just say this man painted moving works in a never before used technique and was resoundingly overlooked at the time and thought to be crazy. If you ever have a chance to view his work and are unmoved, you have no heart. 

Then there is the man who is viewing the painting, decidedly one of the best men on the planet from my perspective. Kenneth encourages me, challenges me to be better, and loves me relentlessly. I don't understand it, but I embrace it, depend on it and bask in it. 

And so today I am lifted back into my typical Christmas state of mind. I am actually looking beyond all the strife and sadness that surrounds me and am fixing my gaze upon the hope and joy and blessings that lay in the manger in Bethlehem, embodied in the Christ. 

It is with a full heart that I wish to all those who read this, a joyous holiday season filled with love, wonder and hope.